if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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