I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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