I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
