Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Green mimosas i think yes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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