wanna go halves on a baby?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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