I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
