"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
