So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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