Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
