Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
