i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
