so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
