I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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