I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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