we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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