I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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