I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
