It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
