today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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