No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
