Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
