I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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