the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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