dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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