Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
