could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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