WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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