i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
