I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
