Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
