My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
