You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
