I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
