don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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