Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
TSA doesnโt allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize