turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
