i just google imaged poop.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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