just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
