At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
