I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
