i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
