You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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