she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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