I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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