Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
