Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
