dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
