You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
