oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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