He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
