i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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