I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
