it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
