Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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