I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I looked at my own cervix.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
