mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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