just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
