Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
