The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
