walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize