The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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