These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
