did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
