Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Randomize
