i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
